I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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