Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
