Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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