I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
