Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
