i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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