New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
