currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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