I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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