i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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