At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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