NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
