im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
