Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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