This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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