3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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