I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
