he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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