also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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