U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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