Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
