doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
birth control should be required to get into college
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
ok first of all what the fuck
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
