Don't make out with my wife yet
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
