how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
