Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
