my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
