it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
