so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
