Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this is an emotional support booty call
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
