Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
