absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
