I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
