And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
