I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
