Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
