His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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