Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
