We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
