i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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