Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The adults are the big ones right?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
