i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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