with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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