I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
