He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
