I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
