And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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