so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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