Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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