So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
