Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
