My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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