So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
