we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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